marriage and motherhood Archives - Erika {Sweeting} Dawson

Even Today, I Need a Savior

March 27, 2013 By Erika Leave a Comment

I yelled at my kids today.

I lost my temper and maybe my mind because that tongue whipped sharp and lashed right through their hearts.

And I don’t want to admit it – all bare and ugly – but you need to know that even as I write about loving our families well, I have more than enough room to grow.

Why did I do it? When will I ever learn?

I tried to absolve myself, but each excuse fell flat. Because really, there is no excuse for how I behaved.

They did wrong, but so did I, and we are in so much need of a Savior.

Oh Friend, how beyond-words grateful I am for a Savior who came to me, who came for me. I don’t know that I will ever comprehend the love the Father has for me that while I was still seeped in sin and cloaked by darkness, He died for me. He died so I could live and live to the full.

So together we knelt, these babes of mine and me, and we carried our broken pieces to Jesus, trusting Him to put us back together that we might reflect Jesus to a world as broken as us.

“The wonder of wonders is that in spite of our rebellion against God’s authority and our distrust of his goodness, God kept coming after us. The demonstration of the extent and extravagance of God’s love is the death of Jesus on the cross” (Greg Ogden).

Sister, I don’t know where you are in your relationship with Jesus, maybe you’ve never even met. But if you want to know more, if you have any questions or if you just need me to pray for you, will you send me a little note? I pray it’s not cliche, but He is the answer you’re looking for, and there is no better time than now.

With much love,

erika

Question for You:

Will you share a glimpse of your story? When did you meet Jesus and how has your life been changed?

Filed Under: faith and growing, marriage and motherhood Tagged With: anger, Grace

Marriage: To Leave or to Stay {a review of sorts}

March 21, 2013 By Erika 5 Comments

Flickr Photo Credit: Aaron Escobar

I come from a long line of leavers, the new Caedman’s Call song blared from my speakers, on repeat, reminding me of a history I wanted to leave behind.

As a child, I learned a lot about marriage and a lot about leaving, and there are wounds that sink deep, even today.

So when I was single and about to graduate college, I listened to that song on repeat, resolving that if I were to ever marry, leaving would be the four-letter word that would never be spoken.

But then I got married.

My husband is a wonderful man, but I walked into our relationship with hurt and hopes and expectations that are unfair to anyone.

I always thought I was damaged and different and probably no one carried as much baggage into a relationship as I did. But God showed me differently.

Wounded? Yes.

Unusual? No.

I have battled in prayer with women whose marriages were hanging on by a thread and wept with others when a marriage was over. Even now, this month, my heart sinks heavy for three different couples who are faced with the decision: to walk or to stay.

Marriage is hard.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being married to my husband. There is joy and laughter and love that runs deep.

God ordained marriage, and it. is. good.

But marriage can be difficult!

Like sandpaper against sandpaper, my aunt reminds me, God uses marriage to make us more holy.

Two complicated individuals with different personalities, backgrounds, experiences, ideas, hopes, and dreams coming together as one is difficult enough.

Add in the weaknesses of our flesh, and you’ll see why this is no walk in the park!

But to top it all off, we read in the Bible that marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and His love for the church, for us, His bride! If our marriages are to reflect that love, don’t you think Satan will do all that he can to mar that image, distort that beauty, corrupt that picture?

I could go on, though I’m guessing that I don’t need to convince you of the struggles a marriage can face.

I recently read Lara William’s new book, To Walk or Stay: Trusting God through Shattered Hopes and Suffocating Fears.

Friends, this is a book you must read.

Lara is just like us. She has faced struggles and disappointments in her marriage, and she’s made her share of mistakes. She has battled fear and hurt and her own expectations.

She has faced all of this and more: her husband’s infidelity. Lara had to make a hard choice — to walk or to stay.

In an incredibly honest way, Lara grapples in the book with insecurity, fear, broken dreams, and misplaced expectations, and in a humble, grace-filled way, always points us right back to Scripture.

It is not just a book about marriage, though I think married women should read this book. This is a book about pressing hard into God and trusting Him even in the midst of suffering.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of those of you whose marriages have already ended and those of you who are struggling to hang on. I am thinking of you whose husband left, and of you who was the leaver. I just want you to know that there is hope.

There is heaps and heaps of grace and new beginnings and fresh starts.

We serve a God whose mercy is always new and whose love never fails.

Whether you are married {happily or not} or divorced, dating or engaged,

if you are in that place of wondering whether to stay or leave,

if you’ve ever faced suffering or think that you will, read this book.

Full of depth, wisdom and Truth, you will be challenged, encouraged, and overwhelmed by the love God has for you.

“What you will get is a dare: a dare to take God at His Word and a dare to allow His promises to affect the choices you make today” (Lara Williams).

You can order the paperback version or the kindle edition. Both are inexpensive and so. very. worth it.

Don’t wait. This one is worth the money.

Beginning April 15th, a group of us will be working through this book and the digging deeper sections together. Join us? Read about the details on Lara’s blog, here.

Filed Under: marriage and motherhood, more time for books, resources, reviews, & giveaways Tagged With: book reviews

No Condemnation

February 25, 2013 By Erika 1 Comment

how to deal with the guilt of parenting mistakes

Flickr Photo Credit: familymwr

A few days ago, Sarah Mae wrote a blog post that was shared over 3,000 times, and I wasn’t at all surprised. Like so many others, her words resonated with me beause, ugh, it feels like I get caught in that same cycle all. the. time.

I cry, decide to be a better mother, and then yell at my kids all over again. And, oh, can I just tell you the guilt that follows? It presses heavy, and I find myself crushed beneath its weight.

Crushed.

Have you ever been caught in that relentless spin-cycle? Dragged around, tossed about, and ready to drown?

If, like me, you’ve ever felt guilt controlling your mothering, dear Friend, may I just whisper Truth in your ear?

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

When the guilt weighs heavy, I cling to His promise. Because of Jesus, no condemnation.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4 NLT)

That heavy yoke of guilt and regret we carry is not from God! It is placed on us by the enemy of our souls trying to discourage us and render us ineffective.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV84)

If we have confessed our sin, God is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

There is no condemnation.

We can start fresh.

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV84)

Today is a new week, a new morning, and God’s mercies are new. {And if you’re reading this mid-day or mid-week, and you’ve already messed up? You don’t have to wait for a new morning. His mercies are new right now, too!}

When anger or impatience motivate sharp words and selfish choices, when we vow to do better but fall into that same old trap, we don’t have to be stuck.

God calls us to confess our sin, then get up and walk in His mercy and grace. When we put our trust in Jesus as our Savior, we become new creations.

New! The old is gone, the new has come.

When we confess, God forgives. We can stop dwelling on what is behind — last year, last week, yesterday — for pete’s sake, we can stop rehashing that mistake we made 5 minutes ago!

Sisters, we are called to throw off everything that entagles and press on toward the goal! Eyes focused on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). HE is faithful to complete the work that was started in us!

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it! (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 MSG)

Let’s let Him!

And when we struggle with guilt and those ugly thoughts come — those condemning, not-good-enough, you’re gonna fail, lies fill our heads, let’s resolve to take each one captive. Capture it and kill it.

We will not dwell on it or let it move any further into our heads or our hearts. We will throw. it. out and replace it with Truth.

We can do this. Right now, again, we have a fresh start.

Let’s cling to Jesus and walk in freedom.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

————————–

For many of us, guilt chases us down after we’ve made a mistake.

Though we must learn to lay that guilt at the foot of the cross, dealing with the guilt doesn’t address the struggle that Sarah Mae wrote about last week.

Life doesn’t become easier just because we realize how sacred it is, or how quickly it can be gone, or how we might not have our little one to hold tomorrow. Life moves forward, and our sin-disease moves right along with it. Sin doesn’t give us a break, or care about our little ones, or pause when we need to re-group.

So how the heck do we live in the “blink”, before our babies are grown…or gone?

Really, how do we live? (Sarah Mae)

I’m heading over to Sarah’s, along with thousands of other women, to wrestle with this looming question, “How do we live in the blink?” I hope you will, too.

Maybe together we can figure it out, or at least get a few steps closer.

————-

Linking with:

Filed Under: faith and growing, marriage and motherhood Tagged With: anger, choices, Encouragement for Moms, Grace, guilt

What’s Behind the Bad Attitude

January 23, 2013 By Erika 14 Comments

Sometime all that your kids need is YOU

The kids and I had a long day last week. They had a hard time obeying; I had low-energy and was struggling with selfishness; and we all took turns with a bad attitude.

Days like that make a momma look forward to bedtime, but when the kids don’t share the same excitement, a long day becomes even longer.

For this momma, the kids’ sassy attitudes typically collide with irritation and a short fuse in me. Disrespect is a huge trigger. Thankfully, on this occasion, instead of reacting, I prayed.

I took time to listen to the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit instead of disciplining, lecturing, or a look of disapproval.

Something else was going on in my daughter’s heart.

On that night, the sassiness was more than just disrespect, disobedience, or tiredness.

I crawled up to her top bunk, put my arms around this miniature version of me, and whispered in her ear, “How ’bout if you and I plan a special outing for us? I think we need to spend some time together, just the two of us. We need a Mommy-daughter date.”

Instantly, she relented. The hard will softened. The stubborn excuses abated. Instantly, my sweet girl returned with a big grin and an even bigger hug.

We spent the next few minutes whisper-planning our special outing, and after a few I love yous and hugs, my little girl put her head down and tried her best to fall asleep.

No more complaining. No more arguing. No more glares or sighs or harumphs.

All she needed was me.

What’s Behind the Bad Attitude?

In His gentle, Fatherly way, God got my attention again that night, reminding me not to plunge ahead, led by my emotions but instead to depend on Him.

Momma, slow down and pray.

Look carefully.

Listen closely.

Evaluate perceptively.

What is behind the bad attitude?

Sometimes all they need — big kids and little kids, alike — is a nap or a snack. Sometimes they need a little help or a gentle reminder. But in a world full of distracted lives, interrupted conversations, and screen time addictions, most of the time, all they need is you. Our kids need us.

That time is so important.

I need to be reminded of this more than anyone, so these next few words are meant for me the most:

We might be with our kids a lot, but are we giving them the deliberate attention they need?

Maybe we need to rearrange our schedules, turn off the TV, put away our phones, tablets, and computers. It’s not just about being around each other, but engaging together.

Are we able to eliminate the preoccupied uh huhs, absorbed just a minutes, and distracted in a seconds from our vocabularies? Will we look our children in the eyes when we talk? Can we get out of our chairs? Stoop down to their level? Connect?

Yes, keep talking. Keep reading. Keep playing and imagining and dreaming. But don’t just do those things alone or with friends. Let’s take the time to do all of these things with our kids! Let’s laugh and play and inspire. Let’s say “yes” a lot!

When we’re having a hard parenting day, and it’s not the result of over-tiredness, hunger, or a too-full schedule, might we just try time. Let’s try 20 minutes of focused-on-them, uninterrupted play with our kids. It just might transform our days — and our hearts.

Question for You:

What is usually “behind the bad attitude” for your kids?

One more question – I had planned on hosting a year-long challenge to help us engage with our kids. I imagined sending open-ended, flexible ideas of activities, outings, and diversions for you and your kids once a week or once a month, with the goal of adapting the activity for your schedule. It would be one activity per week.

Is that something in which you’d be interested? I know I could use the challenge! Let me know in the comments or via e-mail if you are interested!